Regular readers will have both noticed that it’s been a little quiet around here. This is due to “stuff”.

Stuff the first: Technical problems.

“Somehow” a sliver of brass got into the laptop and caused a short, preventing the laptop from starting up. The proud supplier of laptop told me it was able to do this because the battery was “smart”. I replied if it was that bloody smart it would have said “oi, get this damn metal splinter out of me”. Evidently we both have a different definition of “smart”, and his attempts to explore how the said brass bit got into the system in the first place came to dead end.

On the up side, I did get some nice brass buckles and lorica fittings made while the laptop was in the shop.

Stuff 2: Illness

Illness v1.0 – Father. Father had an episode and spent from last Thursday until yesterday in ICU. He is now in a medical ward, where a chap called Jeffery comes in and declares “he don know wot it is but we get the head doctor to look k?” every now and then, and he is otherwise employed as a poke test dummy for the talking sperms that the Hutt Valley Health board employs as “doctors”.

Q. What’s got eight legs, no pubic hair and can recite every episode of Grey’s Anatomy word perfect?

A. My father’s medical team.

That’s not all that funny you know.

Yes I had noticed.

Illness 2v.0 – Jessica. As you both know Jessica is an old cat (17), but the cries of “oh well if shes sick just kill her” – or more politely framed versions of the same – fall on deaf ears. If you’re an animal person you bankrupt yourself or go out in a blizzard armed with nothing more than pistol and a happy smile to keep them alive and safe from sickness, dumb-ass trappers and coyote.

Jessica needs a full dental work over because of various mouth “stuff” making her saliva non-operational in the cleaning department. Currently grooming duties have fallen to me. Jessica’s doctor tells me the operation requires a general, and “comes with some risk” which is doc-speak for could kill her, but this one is old enough to remember that our first woman PM was in fact Jenny Shipley, so I’m going to let the dice fly on this one.

Being a semi-employed siege engineer, I’m somewhat short in the “having great wads of cash laying about the house” department, so if any of you happen to have $5 to spare to help with the clean my cat’s teeth fund, a donation to PayPal via this account would be very much appreciated.

Stuff c: Artillery.

I haven’t been idle (comparatively speaking), and I’ve just spent the last three days and nights at the Great Lake Medieval Festival where I commanded the non-gunpowder artillery on a ridge above the combat area now known forever after as “Artillery Hill”… as am I. It was damned hot, with people clustering under the trees like sheep… but with less random pooping.

On the last day the artillery both non-gunpowder and the dirty, noisy smelly, “scares the horses can’t hit shit” versions joined in te melee’. For some reason the loud people took offence at my use of live ammo (tennis ball my liege – I want to be Brian Blessed if I grow up BTW) and they decided to return in kind. By firing the tennis ball BACK via stuffing in the end of their overgrown noise maker.

Their efforts to turn my tennis balls to gun stones (if only we’d started calling them cannon balls sooner that line would have been some much tidier) we’re something of a failure. They did bring me the still smouldering remains of charred rubber and scorched yellow fur, but it was all asshole and elbows for the artillery duel of the decade… weekend. Whatever.

A change of munitions was called for, and the popgun team bribed the archers to enchage me in hopes I’d forget them. Interesting side bar trend setters, did you know that simply traversing your mangonel towards archers will make them run away?

I digress.

Shot one of the HVFS* load struck directly in front of the popgun, and all were showered by shrapnel resulting in alarm and despondency amongst the crew and members of the public nearby, who were being used as human shields by the powder monkeys.

Shoot the hostage I say.

Chucky racks up another fruity flavored kill.

*High Velocity Fruit Salad (apple in this case).

Stuff the E: Socializing. Caught up with Tom Paine (whose employers are cock-heads… or Australians, you choose) and we dropped in on David Phyliss Farrar to discuss this “republican” thing. Dave fed and watered us and we agreed to disagree, and David for his part accepted that the cement shoes and chains were in fact “flotation aids” so its all good.

Also dropped through Oswald’s neck of the woods… well plains really. Oswald is likewise being poked and prodded by the youth aid wing of a health board, and has lost his winter insulation to the point of needing a new gun belt, so it doesn’t slide off. Of course he’ll need a couple of piece makes to go with it.

You’re never so sick that a new handgun or two can’t perk you up.

Right, I have to get back to plotting how to avoid gunpowder monkey revenge at the next WMD.

20 Responses to Stuff

  1. llew says:

    Sorry about your dad & your cat. Sickness sucks. Watching my sister struggle at the mo’ with the 2nd, 3rd & 4th cancers in 2 years. Not fun.

  2. Rick Giles says:

    I thought I had it rough.

    I’ll see if I can figure out a way to make us wealthy this year.

    If it were a dog I’d kindly suggest you knock it on the head. But cats worth their salt make their own minds up about when it’s time to go. All you can do is support her judgement.

  3. Errol says:

    Bummer on the sicknesses.

    Good to see you on the weekend, a shot of Artillery Hill is at

  4. Murray says:

    Wait till next year Errol, the entire ridge has been given to me as a gun park.

    And yes that email address should be stoopid laptop is having another spaz so I can’t edit it.

    A Mr “Tom Paine” would also like to distance himself from the employers being “cockheads” comment.

    I’d suggest that any multi-international award winning person of his profession could do that by getting a much better paying job any frikken distance from them he likes.

    But thats just me.

    They’re still cockheads in the HR department anyway.

  5. Murray says:

    Who the hell spell checked this crap?

    Come Israel pull your finger out! I can’t be expected to blog AND spell.

  6. krm says:

    Rough patch there (alas, sort of a continuation of a bad streak for you).

    Can you take solice in the fact that you’re not in OZ where the gun grabbers prevailed (with predictably counter-productive results)?

  7. Alisa says:

    Happy now? And what the hell does ‘enchage’ mean?

    Oh, and if you happen to see our dear friend Rick, would you be so kind as to give him a good kick in the balls, as it would seem likely to have the same effect as knocking him on the head, only much easier? Carry on.

  8. Murray says:

    That would be “exchange”.

    Consider the nuts kicked.

    Any particular reason? I’ll be doing it for my own so it will be a 2 for 1.

  9. Murray says:

    Oh i see, the lets all kill our friends when they become inconvienient comment.

    I tend to blip over asshole comments with a finely tuned sense of the upcoming stupid.

    Rick, see me after class.

    Don’t bring any cricket equipment.

  10. Alisa says:

    Bingo. See, I would never ask you to do anything un-enjoyable.

  11. krm says:

    Alisa – You comments inspire such a number of snarky potential pieces of reparte and you’ve caught me the midst of a ‘behaving myself for a few days after spending the last few extracting my foot from my mouth and apologizing for stuff’ phase.

  12. dad4justice says:

    I hope your dad cruises through his illness without any hitches .

    That Jessica sounds a cool cat and I had a cat on the West Coast who grew up with the local possum population . Shit it was a mean bitch cat .It dealt too many pig dogs -no wucking worries. I called it Smellon Klark. It was shot by a local dairy farmer who said it was terrifying his milking herd.


  13. George says:

    Any cat that terrifies a West Coast dairy herd deserves a life time of whiskas food of its choice. The Coast is starting to be overrun by bloody milking herds and their owners. Draining every bog and pakihi, spraying bloody urea on everything and seriously buggering the whitebait habitat.

    Between dairy sheds and DoC offices the place is going to the pack.

  14. Rick Giles says:

    If doing me violence makes you Townies feel better about not having the guts to Barry Crump your dog with dignity….

    I don’t rate dogs the same, ah?

  15. dad4justice says:

    George I am a ex- Coaster am the place is stuffed mate with loopy DOC – 1080-deadwood forests and cows shitting everywhere. I am convinced that DOC need to see a Sigmund head doctor immediately. Whitebait are getting in short supply unless you strike it lucky like the lads on the Hoki River did last season.

    My cat was called Rosie and she now lives in Westport as the top bitch and she hates Helen Klark !!

    I have a huge Bull mastiff called Stanley Herbert and he is terrified of the wee tabby.

  16. Alisa says:

    “Guts”, Rick? But yes, doing you violence would make me feel better.

  17. George says:

    I have a collection of dogs, some who work stock, some who don’t but retrieve things and are great hunting companions, and one fat little dog whose mission statement is to drop hair, lick pots and be the wifes companion [he is emotionally tuned to her and levels her out] The day will come to them all and most of us dread it and keep them staggering on for longer than it is kind to do so. Then you have to call the vet or your mate down the valley and give them a last big feed and go chop some wood for a long time. The buggers always know too, and you would have to have a heart of stone not to be affected. But when they are incontinent, eyes cloudy with pain and just plain loopy, then the dog has gone out of the dog and the day has come. Its not pleasant and our own day will most likely be inconvenient too.

  18. Alisa says:

    I am not saying that there isn’t a point at which any living creature should be relieved of its suffering, (including humans if they so wish), but that is not what Rick the Hero is on about.

  19. Murray says:

    Random though for all. My sites have a history of being not animal killer firendly. When its time she’ll tell me otherwise we do what we can. When the doc says shes in remarkable good health for her age its not needle time k.

    Idiot bashing has however ALWAYS been a feature not a bug.

    Give it some thought.

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