You’re the what now?

I am the Sergeant of a three-man Rapid Tactical Force at one of America’s largest indoor retail shopping areas.

ooooo kay.

Mall Ninja [queue Indiana Jones theme] – Adventures in the realm of Walter Mitty!

I punted one of my new troopies when I found him in a sports shop buying a boot knife because he’d “just been selected for teh Green berets!” Yeah, no, fraid not.

Note to recruiting office, stop phoning it in thanks we give these playground commandos real rifles out here in the world. I thought that was bad… but this Mall Ninja guy is a one man freak show.

If we have a full tactical alert and permission from the local LEOs we also have a Mossberg 500 with less-lethal rounds and two K-frame Smith .38s loaded with 158gr. LRN.Basically, the situation is that we get the call, we lock up the situation, put everything five by five, and cordon the area until the local authorities arrive. We’re cops, we just don’t get the glory.

You’re a bloody loonie.

…when my wife picks me up from work I strap on the “Deadly Duo” of a 27 and 23, each with Bar-Sto .357 bbl.I am writing a proposal to replace our current Mossberg-Smith armament with the following:

3) MP5K-PDW with red-dot sights;
2) G36 rifles using SS109 rounds;
3) Glock practical tacticles in .357 Sig
1) PSG-1 using Fed Gold Medal .308
1) Starlight scope for the PSG-1 in case we lose power in the building.
3) Glock 27 backup guns
3) Kahr P-9 holdouts
I think this would make us capable of facing nearly any situation. I’ll let you know what the management says!!!

“You’re fired you freak show” comes to mind.

When my wife picked me up from work I said “hi sweetie”. Maybe I’m the weirdo and if I’d festooned myself with handguns I’d still be married…. food for thought.

Who is this guy again?

To answer your question about where I work and what I guard, I the liutenant of a 3 man Rapid Tactical Force Team, in one of the nation’s largest indoor retail shopping centers. My job job is to defend and protect the lives of the many shoppers who currently vist this center, and in my line of work you cannot be too careful. My job requires that my weapons be of the highest quality, and compared to the HK94 my Team Leader owns, it is a great gun.



6 Responses to You’re the what now?

  1. How the fuck did I survive in Corrections without even a pointed stick!

    Ain’t the imagination and unlimited access to ‘Soldier of Fortune’ great thing…

  2. Murray says:

    And he gets to vote.

    Obama I’m thinking.

  3. Alisa says:

    What do you want, the guy is simply taking his job seriously – I wish everyone did, then the world would be a much better place…no, sorry, I just cannot keep the straight face. Do they give them real bullets? Because that would make it somewhat less hilarious.

  4. Murray says:

    Yeah you gotta laugh… till you find the tazer anyway.

    And don’t make eye contact.

  5. Veeshir says:

    I gotta wonder if it’s some very elaborate joke.
    I mean, he actually wrote this
    A perp popped up from behind the Orange Julius counter with a full auto Kalashnikov with a 75rd drum…snip… meanwhile two perps popped up from behind the skeeball machine with sawed off 12 gauges. …snip…. A double-tap to the chest, and a quick follow-up to the head brought him down like a sack of potatos. …snip… and did some rolls over to the movie theater and back flipped over the concession counter while unloading the 5 rounds of 000 into the skeeball machine. …snip… I crept behind the Mrs. PacMan game, and when I heard the perp reload, jumped up with my trusty K-Bar, and threw it into the perp’s arm, pinning him against the wall behind him.When the smoke cleared, we had three dead perps, and two very scared prisoners. …snip…. My belief is that they were planning to hijack the coveted Mortal Combat game unit.

    Hijack the coveted Mortal Combat game? “Trusty K-bar”? I wish I was as creative as this guy, or as funny.

  6. Murray says:

    Or as medicated?

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