In move to ensure public safety today Helen Clark has announced that Christmas will be cancelled.
The bottom line is we can’t save the planet if people have showers with any kind of pressure. Of course this now means that there is no first aid treatment for people suffering from flash burns from those explosives in Christmas crackers, said Clark.
So we have no real option to cancel this minor religious holiday which was really only observed by a few chinless, scarf wearing, child beating right wing blogging golf playing secret trust bankers who barely represent 85% of the vote anyway.
Instead we will now be observing “All Hail Dear Leader for her Benevolence” day. A parade of the few soldiers she doesn’t have on overseas combat deployments will take place at parliament at midday.
All will cheer and applaud with enthusiasm.